The Role Moms Play in Their Sons’ Understanding of Women | Bonnie Pue, The Union Movement
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On today’s episode…
How do moms shape the way their sons understand and treat women? Dr. Kelly Cagle sits down with Bonnie Pue, mother of six boys and co-founder of The Union Movement, to explore the powerful role mothers play in raising boys who respect, value, and honor women. From teaching strength with gentleness to navigating conversations about sexuality without shame, discover how everyday moments and intentional parenting can help shape the men our sons are becoming.
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Show Notes
The Role Moms Play in Their Sons’ Understanding of Women
Lessons from Dr. Kelly Cagle's conversation with Bonnie Pue of The Union Movement
Our sons are growing up in a culture filled with messages about masculinity, sexuality, and relationships. But long before they begin dating or thinking about marriage, they're already learning what it means to value and respect women.
And one of their earliest teachers is often their mom.
In this episode of Parenting IQ, Bonnie Pue, mother of six boys and co-founder of The Union Movement, shares how mothers can intentionally shape their sons' understanding of women, identity, and healthy relationships.
1. Your Presence Teaches Your Son How to See Women
Our culture often presents women primarily through the lens of physical appearance and sexuality. But boys need to understand that women are whole people with emotions, intelligence, relationships, strengths, and God-given purpose.
Bonnie explains that a mother's everyday presence helps challenge these one-dimensional messages.
What parents can do:
Spend intentional time talking and connecting with your sons.
Allow them to see your personality, interests, emotions, and strengths.
Encourage meaningful relationships with grandmothers, aunts, and other trusted women.
The lesson: Your son learns to value women not only through what you tell him, but through the relationships he experiences.
2. Teach Boys to Protect and Respect, Not Just Avoid Temptation
Conversations about sexuality often focus on what boys shouldn't do: don't look, don't lust, and stay away from temptation.
While boundaries matter, Bonnie encourages parents to give their sons a greater vision.
Instead of only teaching boys what to avoid, teach them the kind of men they are called to become.
Help your son understand that his strength and character can be used to honor others rather than objectify them.
Ask questions like:
Do the girls and women around you feel respected?
Are your words building others up or tearing them down?
How can you use your strength to make others feel safe?
The lesson: Raising respectful men requires more than rules. It requires teaching boys to see the dignity and value of others.
3. Speak Blessing Over Your Son's Identity
Boys frequently hear negative messages about their energy, competitiveness, and behavior.
Bonnie shares how she intentionally spoke words of blessing over her sons from an early age, reminding them that being a boy was good and that God had a purpose for their lives.
Our words help shape how children understand themselves.
Instead of constantly communicating frustration over their energy, look for opportunities to affirm the good qualities developing within them.
Tell your son:
“I'm so glad God made you who you are.”
“Your strength can be used to help others.”
“The world needs good men like you.”
The lesson: Children need to hear what is good about who they are, not just what needs correcting.
4. Teach Strength Under Control
One of Bonnie's most memorable parenting lessons came through something surprisingly simple: bringing breakable things into a house full of boys.
She wanted her sons to learn that their strength needed to be managed with gentleness and awareness.
Bonnie describes meekness as “strength under control.”
This principle goes beyond physical strength. Boys also need to learn how their words, reactions, and decisions affect others.
When something breaks or someone gets hurt, use the moment to teach responsibility rather than simply assigning blame.
Ask:
What happened?
How could we have handled that differently?
What can we do to make things right?
The lesson: Strength becomes a gift when it's paired with self-control, gentleness, and responsibility.
5. Make Conversations About Sexuality Ongoing and Shame-Free
Many parents feel intimidated by conversations about puberty, sex, and relationships.
But these conversations don't need to happen all at once.
Bonnie and Dr. Kelly discuss how they introduced age-appropriate information as their sons grew, allowing the conversations to become more detailed over time.
The goal isn't to deliver one perfect explanation. It's to become a trusted source your children can return to with questions.
What parents can do:
Begin with simple, age-appropriate conversations about bodies and relationships.
Explain puberty as a normal part of growing up.
Welcome questions without embarrassment or shame.
Continue the conversation as your child matures.
The lesson: When parents communicate openly and calmly, children are more likely to feel safe bringing difficult questions home.
6. It's Never Too Late to Build Connection
Perhaps one of the most encouraging reminders from this conversation is that parents don't have to get everything right from the beginning.
Even if you've avoided difficult conversations or wish you had approached something differently, you can begin again.
Bonnie encourages parents to be brave enough to acknowledge mistakes and pursue connection.
Sometimes that means simply saying:
“I wish I had handled that differently. I'm sorry. I'd like to do better.”
Parenting isn't about pretending we've never made mistakes. It's about showing our children what humility, forgiveness, and restoration look like.
The lesson: Repairing a relationship can be just as meaningful as teaching the right lesson the first time.
Key Takeaways for Parents
Your everyday relationship with your son influences how he understands and treats women.
Teach boys to honor and protect others, not simply avoid temptation.
Speak positively about your son's identity and God-given purpose.
Help him develop strength that is guided by gentleness and self-control.
Keep conversations about sexuality and relationships open, ongoing, and free from shame.
Remember that it's never too late to reconnect and begin important conversations.
Raising Sons Who Honor Women
The goal isn't simply to raise boys who follow the rules. It's to raise young men who understand their identity, recognize the value of others, and use their strength with wisdom and love.
And moms have an important role in that process.
Through everyday conversations, intentional encouragement, healthy boundaries, and genuine connection, we're helping shape the way our sons will one day approach friendships, relationships, marriage, and family.
Listen to the full episode of Parenting IQ with Dr. Kelly Cagle and Bonnie Pue, “The Role Moms Play in Their Sons’ Understanding of Women,” for more encouragement on raising boys with purpose and a biblical understanding of relationships.
About Bonnie Pue
Bonnie Pue is a mother of six boys, author, and co-founder of The Union Movement, a Christian ministry she founded with her husband in 2018. Through their ministry, Bonnie helps individuals and families navigate conversations about sexuality, identity, and relationships from a gospel-centered perspective. She is the author of Awkward: Gospel-Centered Conversations About Sex and Culture, a resource designed to equip parents to approach difficult conversations with confidence and grace. Bonnie is passionate about helping parents raise children who understand their God-given identity and develop healthy, meaningful relationships.
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