Letting Go Without Losing Them w/ Courtney DeFeo
Building Strong Relationships
Equipping parents during their child’s academic years to bring learning to daily moments.
The Parenting IQ Podcast is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual resources to help you grow into the parent you want to be, visit www.christianparenting.org
On today’s episode…
Dr. Kelly Cagle sits down with Courtney DeFeo to talk about what it means to let go as your kids grow—without losing the heart connection. From toddler years to college transitions, they explore how parenting roles shift while staying rooted in faith and relationship. This episode is full of wisdom for moms navigating change, launching teens, and staying present in every season.
Show Notes
Letting Go Without Losing Them
with Courtney DeFeo on the Parenting IQ Podcast
Parenting doesn’t come with a map, but we can chart a course—especially when we know our goal is connection, not control.
In this heartfelt conversation, Dr. Kelly Cagle sits down with podcast host and mom of two, Courtney DeFeo, to unpack what it really looks like to build—and keep—a strong relationship with your kids as they grow. From preschool years to college dorms, Courtney offers honest encouragement, Christ-centered insight, and practical strategies for parenting through every season.
Below are the key takeaways that every mom needs to hear:
1. Cast a Vision for the Relationship You Want
When Courtney’s oldest daughter was just a baby, her mentor had her write what she hoped her daughter would say about her at ages 6, 12, and 18. That simple exercise gave her clarity of vision—and helped guide her parenting with purpose.
“If you don’t have a vision, you’ll get swept up in busyness and miss what matters.”
Your child won’t remember every rule or routine. But they’ll remember how they felt in your presence. Set a vision now for the relationship you hope to have later.
2. Adapt Your Role as They Grow
Courtney outlines four intentional seasons of parenting:
Discipline (0–5): Structure + joy
Training (5–12): Practicing virtues through action
Coaching (12–18): Guiding, not hovering
Friendship (18+): Staying connected without controlling
Trouble arises when we act like a coach in toddler years—or try to be a best friend to a teenager who still needs structure.
“You’re always their parent, but your role shifts with the season.”
Understanding your season helps you show up wisely, not reactively.
3. Teach Faith by Living It
As kids grow more independent, faith becomes less taught and more caught. Courtney reminded us that spiritual growth isn’t about perfect devotions or having all the answers—it’s about consistently modeling trust in God.
One powerful tool? Stone markers of remembrance. In Courtney’s home, rocks inscribed with answered prayers and significant moments remind her girls of God’s faithfulness—visible legacy, not just verbal.
“Your kids don’t need another lecture—they need to see what trusting God looks like.”
4. Prepare Them to Launch—Not Just to Obey
Letting go starts long before the dorm drop-off.
Courtney shares how small moments—like making a phone call themselves or grabbing dog food from the curb—built capability and confidence in her daughters over time. Resilience grows through practice.
She challenged moms to ask their kids, “What do you think you should do?” rather than constantly giving answers. That shift from solving to supporting prepares them to walk with God independently.
5. Don’t Underestimate Everyday Moments
While it can feel like motherhood is a blur of dishes and discipline, Courtney reminds us: they’re watching everything.
“They might not remember your lectures, but they’ll remember your love in action.”
From leaving candy for the mail carrier to sidewalk chalk notes for neighbors, Courtney’s “Light ’Em Up” initiative taught generosity through adventure, not obligation.
Your acts of kindness will ripple—into your kids’ hearts, their friendships, and maybe even their college campuses.
6. Build the Foundation Early
Letting go doesn’t mean losing influence—it means trusting the foundation you’ve laid.
If you’re in the early years, this is your time to sow deeply. Don’t wait until your child is 13 to teach respect, responsibility, or prayer. These years matter. That rhythm of tucking them in, praying with them, talking at bedtime—those moments are bricks in a strong, lasting foundation.
Final Encouragement from Courtney:
“You’ll never get it 100% right. But if you leave it all on the floor—loving them, praying for them, showing up—they will know they were cherished. And that is enough.”
Motherhood is full of laughter, tears, letting go, and holding on. But the most powerful legacy we leave behind isn’t perfection—it’s presence.
🎧 Listen to this episode:
Letting Go Without Losing Them w/ Courtney DeFeo
💬 Want to reflect on your own season?
Ask yourself:
What season am I in with each of my children?
Am I trying to control something God is calling me to release?
How can I model love and faith this week—in action, not just in words?
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