When Prayer Feels Hard w/ Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
Building Strong Relationships
Equipping parents during their child’s academic years to bring learning to daily moments.
The Parenting IQ Podcast is a part of the Christian Parenting Podcast Network. To find practical and spiritual resources to help you grow into the parent you want to be, visit www.christianparenting.org
On today’s episode…
Dr. Kelly Cagle is joined by Shellie Rushing Tomlinson to talk honestly about why prayer can feel hard—even for women who deeply love Jesus. Together they unpack practical ways to overcome distraction, comparison, and guilt while building a genuine relationship with God. This episode offers encouragement and simple habits to help you linger longer in God’s presence and rediscover the joy of prayer.
Show Notes
When Prayer Feels Hard
with Shellie Rushing Tomlinson
If you love God but still struggle to pray, you are not alone.
In this powerful conversation on the Parenting IQ Podcast, Shellie Rushing Tomlinson helps us dismantle the quiet shame many believers carry: “I don’t pray well.” Instead of offering formulas or pressure, she offers freedom—reminding us that prayer is not a performance, it’s a relationship.
If prayer has felt dry, distracted, intimidating, or inconsistent, this episode offers both permission and practical tools to help you linger with the Lord again.
Below are the key teaching takeaways.
1. Prayer Is a Relationship, Not a Ritual
One of the most transformative mindset shifts Shellie shares is this:
“He wants the relationship, not the ritual.”
So often we confine prayer to a designated time slot—morning devotions, a Bible study gathering, a quiet moment before bed. And if that moment gets interrupted? We assume prayer for the day is over.
But relationship doesn’t end when the moment is interrupted.
Busy moms, especially, need to hear this:
When your prayer time is cut short, simply return to Him later.
Prayer is not a one-time event—it’s an ongoing conversation. Driving to soccer? Folding laundry? Sitting in school pickup line? Come back as often and as quickly as you can.
That rhythm changes everything.
2. Normalize the Struggle
Shellie addresses something rarely spoken out loud:
“People who love God struggle to pray.”
Many women feel like failures in prayer. They compare their short, halting prayers to someone else’s flowing, eloquent words. They believe they don’t “do it right.” So they quietly withdraw.
The enemy loves this trap:
“I want to pray → I don’t pray well → I feel like a failure → I stop praying.”
The way out is not better technique—it’s deeper intimacy with Jesus.
You are not auditioning.
You are not performing.
You are already accepted.
3. Stop Trying to Pray Like “Her”
Comparison creeps into our prayer lives just like it does in parenting, marriage, and ministry.
You may know someone whose prayers sound polished, structured, almost outlined in advance. And instead of feeling inspired, you feel inadequate.
But God does not want a polished imitation of someone else.
He wants you.
The more we linger in His presence, the less we compare. Why? Because identity grows in intimacy.
When you know you are His beloved daughter, you stop trying to impress Him.
4. Learn to Hear by Lingering
If you’ve ever thought, “I’m praying, but I’m not hearing God,” this is for you.
Shellie reminds us: If you belong to Christ, you are hearing—but you may still be learning how to recognize His voice.
Just as children learn the tone and cadence of a parent’s voice through time spent together, we learn God’s voice by staying in His presence.
Hearing grows out of lingering.
It’s not about dramatic signs or constant confirmations. It’s about developing sensitivity to the impressions, nudges, and inner promptings of the Holy Spirit.
5. Take a Note to Free Your Mind
Let’s talk about distractions.
The laundry.
The grocery list.
The doctor appointment.
The lasagna ingredients.
When those thoughts flood your mind during prayer, the enemy often adds guilt:
“You were just praying about someone’s soul and now you’re thinking about dinner.”
Shellie offers a simple, powerful habit:
Take a note to free your mind.
Write it down. Email yourself. Jot it in your phone. Once it’s captured, it’s released.
This communicates something profound to the Lord:
“My time with You matters enough that I’m protecting it.”
Instead of abandoning prayer when distracted, gently bring your focus back—however many times it wanders.
If it wanders five times, bring it back six.
6. Stop Trying to Pray in a Way You Don’t Even Communicate
This insight is freeing.
When we talk to friends, conversations are dynamic. We circle back. We change topics. We laugh. We pause. We revisit.
But in prayer, many of us try to be linear, polished, and structured.
Why?
You can talk to God like you talk to someone you love. You can circle back. You can pause. You can return to something later.
Prayer is communion—not a speech.
7. Understand the Trinity as Your Prayer Team
Shellie beautifully describes approaching prayer with an awareness of “Team Jesus”:
The Father who invites you to His throne
The Son who gave you access through the cross
The Holy Spirit who now lives in you and teaches you
The Holy Spirit is not distant. He is present. Indwelling. Guiding. Convicting. Comforting.
The more aware you become of His nearness, the more natural prayer feels.
Final Encouragement for the Mama Who Feels Behind
You don’t need:
More polished words
Longer devotions
A perfectly uninterrupted hour
You need connection.
Start where you are.
Return often.
Release comparison.
Protect your time.
Bring your distracted heart back again and again.
Lingering changes everything.
And when prayer feels hard?
That may simply be an invitation to lean in closer.
If this episode met you where you are, listen to the full conversation with Shellie Rushing Tomlinson on the Parenting IQ Podcast—and allow this year to be one where prayer becomes less of a pressure and more of a relationship.
A game-changing program for parents raising kids with ADHD. In just five weeks, you’ll gain expert strategies to reduce chaos, improve communication, and create daily rhythms that bring calm and connection back to your family life.
How to Master ADHD at Home in 5 Weeks
If you’re tired of repeating yourself over and over—whether it’s simple instructions, daily routines, or reminders—and feeling unheard or ignored… you don’t have to wait for change— you can create it!
This course provides step-by-step tools to radically change your home rhythm… in just 5 weeks.
Struggling with screen time and safe tech? Dr. Kelly is proud to partner with Gabb Wireless—the phone that protects childhood. It's a perfect complement to fostering focused, grounded kids in a distracted world.
