Toddler Tantrums, Power Struggles, and Big Feelings: What Parents Need to Know w/ Devon Kuntzman
Unpacking Human Development
Equipping parents during their child’s academic years to bring learning to daily moments.
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On today’s episode…
In this episode, Dr. Kelly Cagle sits down with Devon Kuntzman to explore what’s really behind toddler tantrums, power struggles, and big emotions. They share how shifting from control to connection helps parents guide behavior more effectively and build cooperation. You’ll walk away with practical encouragement and simple tools to handle tough moments without losing your patience.
Show Notes
Toddler Tantrums, Power Struggles, and Big Feelings
What Parents Need to Know
There’s a moment in parenting that many of us have experienced—but don’t always say out loud.
It’s the moment when your toddler is melting down, emotions are high, and you feel completely overwhelmed… maybe even wondering, “I can’t do this.”
If you’ve been there, you’re not alone. And more importantly—you’re not failing.
You’re in the middle of one of the most important developmental stages your child will go through.
What If Nothing Is “Wrong”?
We’ve all heard the labels—terrible twos, threenagers—but what if those behaviors aren’t problems to fix?
What if they’re signs of growth?
During the toddler years, your child is learning who they are. They’re discovering independence, testing boundaries, and trying to make sense of a world they don’t yet have the language for.
And that’s why one truth changes everything:
Behavior is communication.
The tantrum, the hitting, the refusal—it’s not random. It’s your child saying, “I need help, but I don’t know how to say it.”
The Moment That Matters Most
Let’s be honest—no parent handles every moment perfectly.
We get frustrated. We raise our voices. We react.
But what matters most isn’t that we never mess up.
It’s what we do after.
When you come back and say, “I’m sorry,” you’re not undoing your authority—you’re building trust. You’re modeling emotional awareness and showing your child how to repair relationships.
Those “messy moments” are actually where resilience is built.
You Can’t Control Your Child—But You Can Influence Them
One of the hardest (and most freeing) truths in parenting is this:
You can’t control your child.
You can’t force them to eat, sleep, or calm down on command.
But you can influence them.
And that influence starts with connection.
When a child feels seen and understood, they are far more likely to cooperate. As Devon shared:
Connection creates influence, and influence creates cooperation.
What This Looks Like at Home
Instead of escalating a power struggle, we shift how we respond.
A toddler throwing food doesn’t need more threats—they need a clear, calm boundary.
“You’re throwing your food. Looks like you’re not ready to eat.”
Then you follow through.
No yelling. No back-and-forth. Just consistency.
Over time, your child learns—not through fear, but through experience.
For the Mom Who Feels Overwhelmed
If you feel like you’re drowning in this season, hear this:
Your feelings are real—but they are not permanent. They are signals, not facts.
You are not a bad parent.
You are a parent who is learning.
And that’s what this journey is about—not perfection, but practice.
What to Remember
Toddlerhood isn’t a season to survive—it’s a season that shapes everything.
So when the tantrums come and emotions run high, take a breath and remember:
Your child isn’t giving you a hard time.
They’re having a hard time.
And you get to be the one who guides them through it.
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